My name is Terry and this is my blog. 
08/02/2005: "Reset Button"
music: And you’ve been so busy lately/That you haven’t found the time/To open up your mind/And watch the world spinning gently out of timemood: . . . . . . . .
Please accept my apologies. I've been very busy. The weekend proved to be an adventure that will be detailed when the anxiety passes. I will mention that it involves Karaoke, a lot of drinking and crashing a lesbian party. And getting kicked out of a lesbian party.
I'll leave with this random memory from my middle school history class. Flash back to eighth grade, Mr. McManama's American History class. On a day where the lesson plan was thrown out the window, he decided to pass out 3x5 index cards and had us answer 4 questions. The first three are a blur to me now, something along the lines of what do you want to be, who are your heroes, etc. The fourth question I remember clearly - "One wish. And you can't wish for more wishes." Honestly, I can't remember my wish, but to this day I remember what my friend Ryan said at the time. Ryan was one of those very artistic kids, who at the time a lot of issues, mainly depression. Ryan's wish was to fast forward to adulthood and bypass everything in between. Something along the lines of "13 Going on 30." With a stone-cold look, our clown of a teacher, turned on the serious side and said "Buddy . . . you'll be missing out on the best years of your life." To which Ryan shrugged.
Moral of the story? I've been feeling lately that I want to fast forward. Fast forward to the house and the wife. To filling my heart again. Fast forward to the daughters burned from their mother's image, a son with a pitching arm. The German engineering in the driveway. Fast forward to watching my children grow up. School plays and skinned-knees. Fast forward to my friends getting what they want in life. Fast forward to the salad days. A better/bigger diploma on the wall. Dying my grey hair black again. Having time to watch the sun go down. Learning to enjoy soft rock. Watching my father playing with his grandchildren. Fast forward to me and Francis burying mom and dad, because life doesn't prefer that parents bury their children. Fast forward to me burying my secrets, my good ammo, and whatever residual darkness.
That's what I'm waiting for, that's what I prefer. I don't need the long, hard journey there. I wouldn't wish upon anybody what I'm going through right now. I'm in my mid-twenties and I still feel like a kid.
Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward.